Being Ace

When people talk about being attracted to someone they are mostly thinking about sexual attraction and romantic attraction. This line of thinking excludes the aromantic and asexual communities, making up the A in LGBTQIA+. In fact, there are so many other types of attraction that hardly get mentioned: emotional, platonic, aesthetic, sensual etc. You can… Read more »

by Felix Spain 1 month ago

When people talk about being attracted to someone they are mostly thinking about sexual attraction and romantic attraction. This line of thinking excludes the aromantic and asexual communities, making up the A in LGBTQIA+. In fact, there are so many other types of attraction that hardly get mentioned: emotional, platonic, aesthetic, sensual etc. You can read more about these in Issue 47 where I talked about aromanticism.

This month we’re focusing on asexuality.

Asexuals experience little to no sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is when you find a person sexually appealing. In school, there’s lots of talk among students about this topic and general excitement at the prospect of growing up and being able to do things you couldn’t before. Most people I know probably experienced sexual attraction at some point, so being ace with all this talk around me made me feel different. I’ve never experienced sexual attraction, only other types of attraction. That is completely valid.

Sadly, there are lots of myths around asexuality as it is not as widely talked about as other sexualities. Here are a few:

  • “Asexuals don’t have sex” – some asexuals do and some don’t, either way, you are valid. Sexual attraction is different from sexual behaviour. They can also: fall in love, have crushes and be on the aromantic spectrum too.
  • “It’s wrong to be ace” – There’s nothing wrong with being asexual, everyone is different, everyone experiences different types of attraction and to different levels.
  • “You just haven’t found the right person.” – That’s not how asexuality works or how attraction works (see previous answer).
  • “You’re too young to know” – This is often said to teenagers and entirely untrue. People start experiencing attraction from a wide variety of ages, they know themselves better than you do.

If you are questioning whether you are ace, my advice is to research and then reflect. Like any romantic orientation, it takes a long while to figure out if it fits you and work out if you are comfortable with it. Asexuality is a spectrum with many linked identities, it might be useful to research terms related to it. I think I might also be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum too so you may be another romantic orientation /sexuality too. You are valid in your asexual identity; you are valid in questioning.